thelittlelovetoken

i guess...
sometimes its just so lacking.
i don't feel at all part of them anymore.

i guess...
maybe i'm just an outsider?
desperately trying to find some recognition...
but to no avail.

i guess...
all these are just fate.
and it is definitely predestined.
no one can change it.
'cos i believe in fate.

i guess...
someday i'll just walk out on my own.
leave them without me.

i guess...
they'll be more than happy.
that i've left them.
and they can do their things,
without me as a hindrance.

i guess...
it might just be time.
any moment now.....

my dear heart is crying-

love, vannie. (1:15 PM)

Saturday, July 29, 2006

heys heys! i'm back again!
must blog, or else SOMEONE say i lazy!
hahahas. lols.

hmms hmms hmms,
saw jelly at the bus stop today on monday and ystd.
had a bad start this morning?
haiyah. nvm. its over already.
just that when i was crying and walking, i almost stepped on yinzhi.
lols. luckily mh pulled me back.

okays. couldn't concentrate during amaths.
fortunately it was pe the next period.
hahas. i had so much so much fun.
i just tried to forget all the unhappiness.
vent it on the badminton game.

hahas. and we played monkey.
with badminton of cos.
while playing that,
i saw something really strange and cute!

yinzhi was sitting with style and twirling his racket.
meihwa was sitting [facing the other side] looking down and sad.
oh!!! they looked just like they're shooting for an mtv!
lols! hahahs. bobby also agreed!

jelly played soccer.
from what i've heard, he scored 1 goal!
great achievement! lols.

hoho~ jelly so amusing today.
he was looking at lloyd who was playing pokemon in his hp.
[i thot he was playing some other games]
jelly looked till so engrossed like that!
hahas. for a moment, i thought he still plays it.
hees. luckily not. =x

had chinese. but wasn't concentrating also.
was thinking abt chem prac,
cos i was suppose to go for 2.30 one.
but went for the one at 12.30.

chem prac was pretty ~~bad~~ i guess.
this is the one that i don't have the confidence to do.
i dunnoe. like see everyone doing very fast.
but i caught up la.
hahas. xf and i were discussing the ans.
den jelly kept looking at us. =p

omg. oh yeah. while washing my conical flask,
i spilled some water on b'k's skirt.
hmms, but i felt bad huh.
she kept saying nvm nvm... (:

jelly finished and went to pack his bag outside the lab.
i could see his frm the door.
he was like folding and unfolding his pants,
reapeating it for several times.
lols. so neat mehs?
dunnoe who he waiting for.
he just stucked his head into the lab at the door.

hees. i almost peeped at ms fu's ans.
but i couldn't see w/o my spects.
hahas. all ~~jelly's fault~~,
he see den i also want to see.

xf and i kept comparing ans! hahas.
and that diff question! i thot for like 15 to 20 mins?
hees. jelly came over to my side of the bench and stood there.
he also anyhow write one huh.
lols. ms fu should give us the ans!!!

went to pizza hut to eat.
and we talked on an "interesting" topic.
lols. xf looked like she's got all excited!
haha. anyways, vannie concluded sth.

mh loves passion.
vannie adores sweetness.
xf likes simplicity.

love, vannie. (9:18 AM)

Saturday, July 15, 2006

hees. the special thing i saw today was a RAINBOW!
lols! hahas. it was so beautiful!
against the grey grey sky.
aww... so lovely! <3

today almost late for sch..
haha. should wait for jelly.
cos he was late.
hahas. dunnoe wad's wrong with fridays.
always rushing with time. lols.

hmms. on monday, jelly didn't come to sch.
on tue, he came. and i cried.
not because he came,
its cos i was already very sad.
so when i see him,
or rather my eyes met his, i felt so relieved.
i dunnoe. that's how i felt. :)

hoho~ he very weird during phy prac.
hahas. he was so amazed that diff balances weigh the same weight.
so funny lar. and the way he smiled at me,
very different.

okays. went for chem prac after sch ystd.
while waiting for ms fu,
we sat at the table outside lab.
out of the blue, suddenly have glass breaking sound.
i thought it was frm my class,
but didn't thought much abt it.

when mh and xf told me that it was him who broke the window,
i got so worried.
i was just thinking if it could be him.
okays. my intuition is right again.

went to the watercooler to fill bottle.
i knew jelly came out of the toilet,
but didn't notice what he was carrying,
until he asked me to look.
a large portion of the window!
so dangerous looking.

aiyo, he explained to me how it broke.
he closed the window, and it just dropped.
he sounded so innocent.
haha.

the he left, downstairs, i went to chem.
i thought he went to play bball.
while taking the chemicals,
i looked up and saw him.
haha. so happie only! :)

xf must learn to handle her test tubes with care!
hahas. while talking to me, she ~~burned~~ my hand,
while talking to jelly, she ~~burned~~ herself.
haha. weird huh.. :)

oh. pe was really fun today!
hahas. at first was playing floorball.
when it turned out to be really boring,
xf and i backed out.

we played badminton instead!
hahas. marcus came, then junyang,
and muru. so the few of us played.
had the fun of my life playing badminton!

hahas. muru actually thought i was a pri sch badminton player.
lols. i'm not. i was a table tennis player in pri 2 and 3.
hahas. this shows that i have the potential in badminton!
haha. *grins*

so sad the cca in our sch is only for boys.
if not i would be glad to join.
i love badminton!

jelly played soccer today.
so funny the way he kicked the ball.
better if its bball.
suits him.

nafeesa realised i have dimples today. :)

after sch while waiting for fel,
i went to my class to help pack the place above the locker.
so messy! and dusty!
while putting the files in place,
i tried to get rid of a national geog. by throwing it to my left.
it hit a chem text and the chem text slid.

almost landed on jelly's head.
luckily i managed to catch it in time.
whew~ any idea how heavy a chem text weighs?
could have caused him a ~~concussion~~!
hahas. he was sitting down there packing his locker.
i startled him. sorries~

i was at the watercooler when i saw him coming.
thought he was going to the toilet,
so i sort of wanted to avoid him by walking down first.
and he didn't to to the gents...
he just came down the stairs.

was trying to walk faster when i realised.
but fel suddenly stopped at the steps.
so i stopped too.
then, jelly and kenn caught up le.
they were right behind us.
so we walked down tgt.

while walking to the canteen,
i saw b'e. he must have seen her too.
i don't care.

sat in the canteen for a while,
then left school by the front of the canteen.
saw him playing bball.
he saw fel and i too.
hmms... :)

met lex and wy at cwp.
went walk walk a while,
wy bought flowers. pink lily :)

went to mac to eat my lunch around 2 plus 3.
saw mh, xf and yh outside. nvm. :)
yah, left with lex. fel went to meet jk.

hmms, tiring day and week!
but....
i love school!

love, vannie. (1:34 PM)

Sunday, July 09, 2006

heys heys!
so happie today...
cos i took so many pics of myself!
lols. i love myself, that's why.
hahas.

haha. was suppose to wakie ystd nite.
to watch world cup huh.
but i forgot all abt it, and turned my alarm off!
gosh! so i missed the match.

okays. so i'm gonna watch today's match.
italy vs france.
who's gonna win?
who knows...

oooh. i just love the children's fitting rm,
at john little [specialist ctr]!!!
its soooooo cute.
i went into the winnie the pooh's one.
to take photo though.
hahas. so cute lah!

hmms, had funny dream last nite.
abt my class going to australia.
for 4 days. i thot was 4 yrs.
so i kept crying in the dream..
yah, so we went to aust.
but surprisingly, the Bs' not there.
hahas. good! =]]

i love winnie the pooh!!!! :)

love, vannie. (10:09 PM)

Saturday, July 08, 2006

okays, we went to visit yihui just now.
and she seemed so skinny.
had fun anyway, fooling clement.
hahas. marcus, felicia, meihwa and i.
he's so gullible! lols.

after that, went to causeway.
walk walk a while.
bought a pair of 'cylinder' studs.
hahas. and a star star pouch!

guess wad? felicia and i spotted this bag at the check shop.
kinda cute. only $5 and still...
buy one get one free! hahas.
so we bought it.
like have paint blotches.

i was late for school today.
whoos~ first time in my life.
cos like my whole family didn't wakie till 7.20?
hahas. weird though. :)

so i was walking frm the entrance, with jk and justin.
[the fountain there]
when i looked up, i saw jelly and yy.
they were waving to jus and me.
lols, they were shocked that i was late.

i guess i'm usually too early to be late?
hahas. too bad then, i ~~was late~~. hahas.
went for healthy lifestyle.
they thot i would reach later.
like 8.10? the fact is i reached at 7.45.
i flew to school. xD

we played frisbee today.
so fun yah! hahas. but not for mh.
hahas. cos i keep throwing off.
hees. paiseh huh... :p

the way jelly threw the frisbee, is so lovely?
no! lovely is not the word.
i dunnoe wad the correct word is.
okay. nice.
everything's nice.

okay. went for water break.
i drank water from the water cooler immediately after jelly!
hahas. eew. nvm.
and the water that 'shoots' out, is so little only.
nvm if you don't understand.

speaking abt everything's nice,
JELLY's face is really nice.
the complexion is like so smooth.
facial masks must be the answer!
hahas. the joke. :)

yesterday leaving sch the time,
jelly asked me abt english oral.
and i stood there telling him and kenn.
yeah. he was standing right beside me.

i practically told them everything.
haha. while talking i keep looking at kenn.
peeked at jelly a few times.
i think he also knows that i dare not face him.

once, i peeked,
and saw him looking downstairs.
then, i turned to kenn again.

i peeked again.
and our eyes met!
i quickly shifted my eyes elsewhere.

finally when i finished,
which seemed like hours,
i prepared to leave.
jelly said bye to me.
normally, we ~~don't~~ say bye.
but i realised it's very important to me.
i rmbed every single time you said bye to me.

no one's ever made me feel this way
-except you.

love, vannie. (11:07 AM)

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEX!

woots~ today is meimei's birthday.
hahas. and its youth day too!
yeah, so all of us are having holidays!
seems like everyone's celebrating for him!

went to cousins' house yesterday.
was having steamboat. hees :)
and i finally caught
HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL
on tv! yay!

the show is so extremely nice la.
i wanna watch it again!

i realised something about myself.
i simply love to watch musicals.
hmms. that's me :)

imagine if we were to sing in our everyday lives.
when we talk, we sing instead.
hahas. like what ms chen says.
when the teacher sings a qn,
the student will sing the ans out.
hahas. seems so wonderful.

meihwa and i were discussing when ms chen said that.
about how weird it would be,
if jelly sings.
lalalas. so sweets.
seriously, i haven't heard him sing yet.
one day i shall bug him! haha.

my cuzzie is leaving in six days time,
she was talking to me ystd.
about my future after o's.
if i want to go to jc,
i MUST study really hard.
its not easy now. =x

so, i must wake up, and stop doing ~~silly~~ things.
study hard and just study really hard. :)

love, vannie. (3:12 AM)

Saturday, July 01, 2006

hais. bad day. chi o lvls orals.
i did terribly. i now it myself.
stupid me. everything was a flop.
hais.

i guess i can never do anythg well.
never in my studies.
i'm just such a damn failure.

when i went inside the room, i froze like hell.
and that examiner kept kicking my table.
can't be bothered with her.
my reading of the passage was so jerky.
my conversation was worse.

i went out of the room feeling horribly down.
tears started to well up immediately.
when i saw justina, i knew she cried too.
her eyes were red.
i called fel, and still cried.

she came down to comfort me. thanks!
i did not know where to go.
for a moment, i wanted to end my life.

i realised its not worth.

i went home when fel left.
was crying all the way
when i walked.
when i was in the bus.
when i reached hm.
when i talked to my mum.
when i hid in the toilet.
hais.
my world was crashing down upon me.

i guess, maybe i was way too nervous.
well, there's nth i can do now,
but cry over spilt milk.

perhaps i shud talk abt sth happy.
YIHUI AND I ARE FRIENDS AGAIN!
yay. haahaa.

and.... i went out with sisters' club.
hoho~ we took neoprints also.
lalalas. i love them all!
woots~

yeah. and i learnt to cherish ppl arnd me!
and thgs that happened all arnd!

right, such an achievement...
haha

okays, recently, i've been staring at jelly more and more ~~openly~~.
hahas. when i turn my head,
the first person i see is him! haha.

yah. and i get caught red handed everyday.
or shud it be red eyed?
hmms, aiya, he just catches me looking at him!
haha

hmm, on tuesday, he was so cute.
we were going to the side to take chemicals.
by chance, i was standing right beside him.
and like so close. so damn close!

when he turned i realised the distance btw us.
hahas. okay, and he smiled.
he asked me which expt i was doing,
when i replied him, he gave such a big reaction!

he was like:
eh! same as me!
and he laughed to himself.
he's reaction was oh-so-cute!

and today, he was so weird.
he was standing at the doorway of our class.
i was standing opp him.
he looked at me, and gave me a mischevious smile.
he took the handle and tried to close the door on me!

oh! i was thinking...
he wanted to keep me outside the class. haha.
so cute hars..
when i showed a being maligned face,
laughed at me and opened up the door.

haha, and we sort of walked tgt to the stairs.
just cos they he and someone was right behind us.
haha.

while waiting at the rm,
he asked who was going for orals next.
it was me...
hahas. i dunnoe if he knew.
but he was looking at me when he asked that question.
maybe he did that on purpose! humph!

luckily tmr got lessons, den can still see my beloved jelly.
haha. wonder if i will back face him.
lols. haha.

i'm beginning to think he's getting more and more adorable!

love, vannie. (11:42 AM)

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