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Temasek Polytechnic
Well, that's where I'm going. I don't know if it's really what I want, though i told many that that's where I wanna go. I'm like just pretending? You can say that I'm not totally prepared. Actually I kind of expected to be posted there? Cos I know Biomedic is too high for me to aim. I'm not clever, you see.
I guess I'm just putting a false front infront of everyone. I'm so sorry. No matter how many times I try to tell people that I must have a fresh start and new beginning, I cannot get myself convinced. I'm at a lost. So lost.
Everyone's going to JC. I just wonder. Did I make the right choice? Should I have put Pioneer as my first choice? Why didn't I? Why did I choose Poly? I feel really really demoralised. But I'll do away with those thoughts. Cos i'm already posted there? And also because I like my course.
I tried to believe in myself. And I failed. Terribly. I don't want to think about anything and yet I keep thinking. Hais, I feel I've fallen so so so deep. I know my course is not easy to get in. But, looking at my Mum's doubtful face, I can't help but drift away from my stand that I once held to: The path for me is the poly route and I'll do well in no matter what course I'm being posted to.
It's weird to see me like this, right? I've been really strong the past few months. But I guess there's always a time when you're the strongest and you suddenly fall. Seems like it's happening to me? It's hard.
I can't stop crying. I feel so helpless.
Guess I started to be honest only now to whoever is chatting with me. I felt so lonely just now, and luckily Clement was online. So i told him everything about how i feel. And now Junhao comes to chat with me. And my sis came home and tell me how her friends want so much to go into the courses. I wanna thank the two guys and my sis. :) For being there for me when I was so so so down. (:
Okay. I shall stop all nonsense now. And maybe hide all again. Well I'm good at faking it, ya?
I'm so greatful and thankful to have at least one person to cheer me up when I'm down. Just one is enough. Anyone will make fine too. I don't know if there will be anyone in the near future. I'll be glad if my friendships with everyone will just remain. And I hope there'll be someone who will be here for me, whether pain or happiness.
Something Junhao said brought me a smile.
I was telling him I haven't cried in months already.
And he said this:
so its standard wan la?
must cry every month ah?
It's funny. I didn't actually meant that.
But it made me smile. :]
He asked me to cheer up and stuffs.
Thanks! :)
And Clement did sth that made me smile too. A BIG smile.
He said look!
And showed me this pic of him as his display pic:
Clement! Do you know how much you have made my day? Just by saying you're going to cry when I tell you all my feelings. And by telling me that I made you smile when I told you,
you made me smile, many many. You see...
These little things from you really made me better, and you did so much for me. So don't say you cannot help me. :) Thanks DiDi. :]
Hmms. But I'm more warmed up and feeling much much better. Many thanks to both of them.
This is how friends should help each other when they're down. And this is why I don't want to lose my pillars of hope: my friends.
Especially my CLOSE friends.
I never want to lose you all. You all are not my pillars of hope. You are my hope. You all are the reason I could hold out till now. Well, I cherish every single one of you. Can I have some confirmation that we will all still be friends and contact each other? I really don't want to move on. But sadly I need to. We all need to. And I'll keep all our memories in my heart. A space left just for you people. Please don't leave me kays? I need you so much.
I love you all with all my heart.
love, vannie. (5:04 PM)
love, vannie. (3:37 PM)
love, vannie. (10:54 AM)
love, vannie. (3:43 PM)